Bethany, Part I

I realize that some of you may be wonder; "Hey that guy spelled zebracorn wrong, auto-correct clearly shows it as zebra corn. We shouldn't listen to him - he's an idiot. You should realize that a zebracorn is not in fact a real animal and I can pretty much spell it any way I want. I could even spell it with a five if I want.


Ze5bracorn - the 5 is silent.

That's right I made a Bandslam reference. I thought it was a good movie; and no I did not see it in theaters just to see the exclusive New Moon trailer - I saw it on the movie channels a year later instead of sleeping for my class.

I've digressed enough already, so here's the story - which was originally posted onto my Facebook.


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It's currently 10:39PM and all I want to do is punch Bethany in the face. Normally I'm kind of against violence towards women, well people in general, but  I should make an exception. So those who know why Bethany is living with me already know how I feel about the situation (I hate it), but now I'm REALLY starting to hate her. I'm not even sure how I'm going to get all of this across in a written format, but I'll do my best. A paragraph-per-beef should do the trick.

::Update:: - Paragraphs are not enough for this woman. She needs a fucking outline! There's no other way to sort out her chaotic lifestyle.

A: I would like to start on her kitchen antics.

1. When she gets one of  her (numerous) beers out of the fridge, she doesn't just open the can and drink it. No that would be too easy. She instead gets a cup / glass / bowl (once) and pours it in there WITH A SHIT-TON OF ICE!!! Not only do I find this grossly wasteful and totally unnecessary (who drinks beer with ice?), but this is not enough for her. She leaves a good deal of beer left in the can and throws it into our recycling. She will then continue to get another cup and more shit-tons of ice per beer. She goes through a 36pack of beer every two days. Aside from her beer, all other beverages she enjoys get put into the fridge while ours do not. Other things that may actually spoil, like sauces and food, are left on the counter among her other messes.
2. I mentioned the partially drained beer cans in the previous section. You may think that it would have been enough to mention the beer cans in passing, but no, it's part of a much larger problem she has. The way we have set up our garbage situation is that we have three trash cans. One is for actual garbage; one for cans, bottles and glass to be taken to the recycling plant for money; then the last can for other recyclables such as paper and aluminum foil that is taken away by our garbage people. Well I have explained the sorting situation to her and still fails to consistently follow it. I will take the lid off of the garbage can and find numerous recyclables that are taking up lots of space. Or I will find a bunch of plate-scrappings lovingly garnished upon the cans and bottles bin. It's a bit of horrible surprise every time I throw something away. Not only this but all of the bottles / cans of beer she throws in there contain not-so-trace amounts of beer still in them. Every time I take the cans to the side of the house, I am usually spattered in a lot of old and stale beer. I hate beer. A lot. And the stench that it leaves then gets left onto myself and I am filled with anger.
3. She seems to like to cook. That would normally be good, but she likes to cook a huge-ass amount of food and tell no one about it. Hours later she will knock on my door for some arbitrary reason or another and then she'll mention in passing: 'I made some food if you're hungry.' Well I'll go into the kitchen and see what new mess she's gone and made and I'll find food that was long ago hot but sat there for hours. I know that if I do not put the food away it will continue to sit there, possibly until the next day, until she either has eaten it all (even while cold) or finally put it away. Also she cooks with no one but herself in mind. My sister is a vegetarian and I won't eat spicy food. Well after we tell her that (she said she was cooking and asked what we could have) she makes stir fry and rice. The stir fry contains vegetables that were cooked with meat and is therefore inedible for my sister, and it is also spicy. Well that leaves the rice right? YOU THOUGHT WRONG!!! She decides to make sticky rice. It does not occur to her that rice is naturally sticky and will clump by itself; nope she adds sugar to make it stick. I don't like sweetened rice, it already has a kind of light sweetness to it. True story: I came out of my room around noon to see what they were calling me for. Well they brought McDonald's for everyone. They get points for that I guess. But since Bethany's stomach is small due to a gastric bypass she got a long time ago, she cannot finish her big mac meal. Does she put the rest in the fridge until she can finish it? NOPE!!! She instead leaves it out and continues to eat it throughout the day. Until the next day. She finished it around noon the next day, making it the first 24 hour meal I've ever seen.
4. I'm almost done - with the kitchen part. So she likes to cook, but she doesn't like to clean. Makes things problematic don't you think? On one occasion both Bethany and my stepdad left dishes in the sink for almost a week. I survived off of food from work and a snack/ bottled water stash I have in my room for a week and therefore made no dishes. By the end of the week I finally broke down and did the dishes, wanting to avoid the prospect of roaches. I get halfway through them when Bethany notices and says 'I was going to do them later.' To which I reply: 'It's been five days, later has long passed.'

Wow, so that was a lot. And there is still more to come, just not tonight. I'll post more when I have time.